Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
