I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
