you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
