New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
