i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
