Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
