I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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