she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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