please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
