I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno