i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting