Moan for me like Helen Keller
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.