So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives