Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning