Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.