all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
