i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
