I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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