Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
