So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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