i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
