I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
