someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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