I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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