how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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