Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
