I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?