Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.