I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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