Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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