Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?