u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
