that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
