just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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