To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
