you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize