All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
vagina is talking i cant
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
