Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
MIDGETS
????
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
