I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
