she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
