I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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