I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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