my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
