i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
