I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
