Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
