I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
