What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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