I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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