New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
