Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
