Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
