He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
