So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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