did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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