Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
