May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
