Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
