Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
