My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
