You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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