i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
