Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
