How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
