Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
