We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
