it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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