I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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