I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
