Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
