I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
