The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
