I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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