Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
