I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
