I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
