WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
