Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
