cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
