I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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