I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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