i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
