we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
